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Never heard so much snivelling in all my life! All those grief-stricken human females blubbing behind the bushes in the park, just because they found out Damo got engaged over the Taupo weekend! Every one of them, wrinklies and smoothies alike, all secretly wanted to marry him themselves, but they were all too slow and now they'll all just have to eat their hearts out. Serve them right! |
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This is our Club Events Co-ordinator, Rachel Algar and she did pretty well at co-ordinating Pukete Spaghetti we have to admit. But why is her hair standing on end? What demons is she warding off with those protectively placed hands? What is frightening her like this? Has she spotted the ghost of Lefty prowling and haunting as he loves to do? Or did she spot Focker's muddy bike-shoes in the laundry tub? Perhaps the grubby boy put them in the kitchen sink? |
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We have heard that none other than Jonty himself will be returning to race the summer series with his new fiancé in tow and she's an Ozzie! We have a couple of pics of what she might look like. Click to see the other one. |
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There we were having one of our good old possum tea parties. While we shared this special time together, some interfering Wallies who know nothing about the worthwhile "Hammers' Culture of the Possum", saw to it that we were rudely interrupted just as we were about to have the second cup of tea, and chased away. Otherwise we might have stayed to entertain the entire cast of Pukete Spaghetti the following day. |
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BIG TOE SAVES YOUNG MOUNTAINBIKER FROM DEATH BY EVIL BIRD!
Josh Parkin was demoted from being 'Number-One-Rider' to 'Transponder-Changer-in-Chief' in the Hammers' Young Guns team for Pukete Spaghetti by the actions of one magpie. Said bird dive-bombed him five times, knocking him clean off his bike and into the ditch. Luckily someone saw Josh's big toe still sticking out of the ditch, wiggling weakly, 3 days later, and dragged him away for repairs. All the skin was gone from the left side of his body and the right hand was so badly sprained, he even had to change the transponders with that same wiggly big toe that saved his life in the first place. |
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I (Patrick) had "Jerry's Bum" on my "to-do" list all week after the Day/Night Thriller. I'm really pleased to finally be able to cross it off my list. The job of censoring the original photo was just too much for a possum of my delicate sensibilities but fortunately Greg Gibb is made of sterner stuff and he was able to face the task and deliver the photoshopped goods. Look down and you will see this photo is not the first evidence we've seen of Jerry preferring, mid-race lie-downs, unscheduled swim sessions, public down-trous, anything rather than riding the goddam bike! |
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Why would someone wear a helmet to plant a tree at Pukete? Click the miniature and you'll see why. It was a tree-planting working bee. The barrow belonged to Robert Bull and he refused to move it off the track until this poor innocent member of the public, who happened to be riding past, had planted a tree.
We possums love Robert Bull for doing so much to ensure our future food supply. |
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It's official! Our treasurer, JT is "Dog" Tucker. This happened at Rotorua 10 minutes into the 09 Marathon Champs at Rotorua on April 5th. The green line is his old shoulder shape - he's lost a good bit of the old axe-handle. We're repeatedly told that if the shard of bone sticking up finally cuts right through the skin (its trying its best) then we have a big medicall emergency on our hands and have to rush him to hospital. Otherwise surgery is 22nd April - the first club night ride. He's hoping to turn up but may be dragging a wheelie thing with drips around the track. Any club over 60s who think this is a chance to finally beat him should know he is still training one-armed on his windtrainer. |
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Finally the real Cochran emerges. Troy and Ross better ramp up the training, 'cos Allanah is out there on the course and she's racing. Most people would much prefer to watch Allanah than either of the other two, she being a bit easier on the eye but don't feel flattered Allanah - its not saying much. She's a lot nicer person too. For example when did you see Ross or Troy swap bikes with another competitor half way through a race because that rider was having mechanicals and needed helping out? (Click the photo to see the proof.) The other competitor was Allanah's own cousin, Ashleigh. |
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This just looks like a couple doing rock 'n roll on the grass. But look closely and you will see that it is none other than our own Ron Johns dancing with his wife Sheryl. However, if you click the pic you will see that they are performing in front of an entire large cycling crowd gathered and waiting for the prize-giving at the recent Rev120. The music was great but the floorshow rocked, (and rolled!). Ron, you're a regular twinkle-toes. |
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Felicity and Emma Bray
Felicity Bray is normally a very responsible young lady. As our enlarged photo shows, she usually looks after her mother very well, guiding her carefully through the park. But unfortunately on this one occasion she has slipped up badly. Yes, the very first time that Felicity decided it was okay to let her mother ride the whole track all alone without Felicity to look after her, and what happens? This happens! We could have told you Felicity - you just have to take a lot better care of your mother than that! |
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Why is this man looking so deflated these days?
Because he ignored a "DISMOUNT NOW!" sign thinking he was so good he didn't need to. Moments later he found himself falling off his bike, off the track, over a cliff and into the raging Karangahake river. He cracked some ribs. Ribs are not the bones that hold you up so he is still walking around. But ribs are the bones that hold you out. So that is why he is looking so deflated. (One of my Karangahake possum rellies sent me this one.) |
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This man with a funny accent is the one who used to pretend he was lonely as a pretext to get the girls hearts a-flutter. But we heard a rumour he has been ignoring zillions of texts from beautiful girls lately. They are all running after him and he is just ignoring them. But we know he is counting them -merely as a kind of purely academic score-keeping exercise of course. Last we heard the score was 9,746 smouldering "lust" texts and that was just for one week. Of course the content of the texts does not fit our strict editorial standards, so unfortunately we cannot print any samples here - but if you let your imagination run completely berserk you will probably get it about right. |
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GHOST of Lefty the Puketekitty - Cat of POWER
This is Lefty -He's the one-eyed black cat who once lived in the park and became part of its history. He died in 2009 but his ghost still haunts the park - He watches out for anyone who sabotages the MTB tracks and whenever he sees one he materialises and magically expands to black panther size and tears them to pieces. I have to admit he has some pretty powerful magical qualities so even we possums have had to learn not to get on the wrong side of him. |
